I'm going to make a prediction: I predict that tomorrow, I will have a new puppy.
I've been looking for a dog for the last six months because I really love having a pup in my life; yet after my sweet dog Terry died, I just couldn't imagine it. She was such a special girl: crazy, funny, annoying, sweet, embarrassing, and completely untrained. (That last was my fault). She was with our family for 14 years, and finding someone to fill her paws was unthinkable, impossible, and just plain wrong. I couldn't even consider it.
It's been (almost) two years later, and now I'm consumed with dog desire. I'm jones-ing on having another dog. And its been an emotional, tricky journey. I feel scared, competitive, like I won't get what I want or that I'll be impulsive and pick the wrong dog, or the right dog will be adopted by someone else, etc, etc. I can't believe this process has me so wigged out. There's obviously much to be learned here. I'm completely buggy, and I know all this emotional storminess and duress signals a general all-is-not-well-ness. thank goodness for my lovely Lisa, energy healer and network chiropractor extrodinaire who is helping me keep my balance and sort through my feelings.
I sit and meditate on my anxiety. What hole in my nature am I trying to fill by getting a dog? Welllllll, let's see. I think I'd be happier with a dog in my life. Why? Well, they're unconditional love on 4 paws, right? And I'd sure like some of that! They're also great companions. Walks and being outside in the garden, and being in the studio with a pup hanging out would be lovely. So I want love and company. True, I have a wonderful family, and fabulous friends, and cosy cats, and, and I WANT A DOG! Love and company aplenty there, and yet I still WANT A DOG!
Humm. I didn't answer the question, really. WHY do I want a dog. It looks to me like I think I'm seperate from love and company, the true love and companionship that being in connection with all-that-is means. I've had experiences of feeling connected up, and they feel really good, but I'm so easily triggered out of them. A bit of criticism, an achy body, and I'm out of wack and in my ego. My true nature lacks for nothing, needs nothing, loves everything. My true nature is Budda nature & Christ consciousness, ease, love, compassion, and trust. My true nature is the nature of god. My true nature doesn't want a dog, doesn't stress over having a dog, trusts life, is in the moment, loves all that is and accepts all that is and doesn't judge the goodness or badness of anything. My true nature is never fearful or dissappointed.
I know that having a dog won't lead me to consciousness, or even make me happier, necessarily. Loading all that on a pup is putting a ridiculous burden on another creature. I realize that, and I'm becoming aware that this whole puppy journey is helping me spot my triggers and shows me where I become ungrounded. All good things to know. It's leading me to ways to ease my anxiety, to trust life, and to be happy in uncertainty. All will be well.
Dog IS god spelled backwards. I'm looking for god. I found Iggy. Having Iggy won't lead me into my true nature, necessarily, but life might be a bit more fun with him around and that's never a bad thing.
Let's talk about Iggy for a while. He was a stray that I found at the shelter, and he is the cutest and sweetest pup. He's little, only 6 months old, with golden fur, a happy face, a waggy tail, and such nice, nice energy. I would have adopted him then and there, but they needed to keep him for a week in case his owner showed up looking for him. (How could anyone let that dog get away?)
So, tomorrow is the day he can be adopted. I'm to call at 8:00 to see if they think he's ready. Here's my desire about how this day will go:
8:00 sharp I start calling. I think this will be a long process, but someone picks up the phone right away. "Is the terrier in A03 available for adoption today?" I say. They say "Yes, he is. Come at 10:00 and you can fill out the paperwork. " Kelsey and I go to the shelter. We're there before 10:00, we're there at 9:45, because I think there will be a line out the door to adopt Iggy. There is no one else there except the volunteers and the front desk people. Kelsey and I ask for Iggy, and they bring him out. His tail is wagging, we're grinning from ear to ear. We sign the papers and he's OURS, our sweet Iggy Pup is OURS. We brought everything we need for the ride home: the crate, dog treats, his leash, everything. Home we go, and we introduce him to his new digs! We're soooo happy, and we're all home at last!
We feel complete. The dog energy our house needed is here, and Iggy is a dream-come-true! Sweet, docile, easy to train, smart as a whip, and he loves the cats. He's also really fun and we all enjoy him soooo much.
I'm learning to trust life. We get what we need. It feels good to imagine this pup in our family, but if it turns out we don't get Iggy, another pup is waiting for us.
So I say Grant Me all of THIS or something BETTER.
Still, I hope life gives us Iggy. Wish us luck and immediate, 4-pawed love.
Wish us Iggy Pup.
