This morning I dropped my daughter off at the BART station. She was heading into the city for her first day of the Spring semester at Acadamy Art. I went on to my Tai Chi class in Berkeley, found the perfect parking spot, and turned to the back seat to locate my purse. What I found there was my daughter's art supplies.
Oh Oh.
Only one thing to do. I headed for the freeway to San Francisco. It was jam-packed at the toll bridge. Even with a fast pass it took me 30 minutes to get through it. While I was waiting, I connected with my daughter (I love cell phones) and arranged a spot to meet her and called my husband for advice on how to get to the meeting place.
Then I was off! Crossing the bridge, I felt the tension in my body. Why was I so anxious? True, driving to and in the city can be a nightmare, but it could also be fun. Kelsey might be a little late for her class, but at least she'd get there with what she needed to participate.
I was already, in my unconscous mind, rehearsing having a bad experience. I recognized that that was what I was doing by feeling the rapid beating of my heart and seeing my white knuckles gripping the black steering wheel.
I decided to let what might happen go and focus on what was happening.
I was on an adventure and a mission of mercy. I was slipping out of the ordinary groove of my Tuesday morning and taking an unexpected trip to the city instead. I was helping my daughter out of an uncomfortable spot and felt really grateful that I had the flexibility to do that. The day was pleasent, the other drivers seemed to know what they were doing, I took a few wrong turns, righted myself, and showed up on the corner of Howard and Montgomery almost by accident and quicker than I expected.
All was well. My girl was a bit late for class, but at least she had her materials. I headed back across the bridge feeling much better.
Mission accomplished.
On the way home I heard a quote from Chekov: "A crisis is easy to weather. It's the daily grind that wears you down."
I guess so. This minor crisis did wear on me, though, but it also made me realize how hard it is for me to relax when I go off the beaten path of my regular life.
There is some comfort in following your schedule instead of your heart, but there can be a stagnancy to life if one is too vested in doing so.
I guess what I want is for it to be all good: both the doing of my usual routine and the handling of something unexpected that takes me out of it. Both add up to my life. Why not enjoy them and trust that, even if it feels like you're off the path, there's no way you can be off YOUR path.
This is my life journey. I'm going to walk it with joy. It's all there is.
Finding Method in the Madness:
