One Point, Soccer, and Everyday Aikido

I love soccer (futbol, I mean) and the World Cup is an event I make time for.  I actually love watching sports in general.  I like the feeling of being one with a whole bunch of other fans cheering a team on.  Win or lose, it's great to be part of something, however briefly, that is larger than oneself.  It's also great to see people who have worked so hard to be at the top of their game in action.  It's very inspiring.

So there I was watching two great teams playing their hearts out, and my mind kept telling me that I was wasting my time.  I was enjoying myself, and yet part of me wouldn't let me be "in the moment".  Two things occurred to me: First, my judgements were once again messing with my good times.  Second, I was not occupying the present moment fully.  My monkey mind ego was in full control.

I know myself, and part of what motivates me is the idea that I'll improve somehow if I follow a certain practice.  Yeah, yeah, we're already perfect.  My spiritual self knows this, but my mind isn't so sure and needs a path to follow that coaxes it to align more fully with spirit.  That's the main reason I'm interested in spiritual teachings and teachers.

Take Aikido for instance.  I loved the practice, and mostly because the physical challenges helped my body align more closely with spiritual knowing.  The concept of "One Point" for example.  It's presented as a physical reality, a point of balance about 2 inches below the belly button that, when you concentrate on it, helps you move with clarity and precision.  It may seem like a narrowing of focus, but when practiced mindfully, it helps you inhabit the present moment with more awareness.

Back to soccer: I realized that I was not inhabiting the watching of the soccer game fully.  I was being distracted from my futbol one point by judging the value of what I was doing.  I was, I realized, sacrificing present comfort and enjoyment by worrying about some future and unknowable potential discomfort.
 
With a jolt, it hit me.  Watching this soccer game through "one point", not being distracted by other thoughts and ideas as I watched, could actually be thought of as a spiritual practice.  It was Futbol Meditation!  What a great way to enjoy every part of life!  Make every moment a meditation.

BE in the moment.  If you're dancing, DANCE.  If you're eating, EAT! If you're watching, WATCH!. Don't let any moment pass by without giving it your full attention. Don't judge it, worry about it, compare it to other moments, or want some else to approve of what you're doing.  Just live your life moment to moment to precious moment with one-point of attention: what you're doing right now.
 
Ohm, amen and GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL!

Love, Kristine

It's Only Castles Burning

I've been talking to friends and acquaintances, and what's on every one's mind is the oil spill.  One person put it quite eloquently.  She said it's like a black cloud on the emotions of the nation.  She, like many others, had lost her optimism about our country's resiliency.  Our ability to bounce back from this, occurring as it does right on the heels of the financial crisis, seems questionable.  Feeling helpless, we feel hopeless. In response,
I decided to pull a card to see it there is a message of hope in the Tarot.  I was certain there would be.  Universal energies are defined by their positive nature.  Sure enough, I got the Magician.

The Magician speaks to the power of the word, for good or ill.  On the table in front of him are the representations of all the cards in the deck: the cup (emotion), sword (intellect), staff (creative power), and pentacle (earth) are there to be used. The question the Magician asks is how will we use these tools?

The answer to that question is a matter of will and intention.  When we're stuck in the "reality" of  what is, and we speak only to and about that reality, we remain stuck.  Our emotions can't find release, our intellect keeps working on the problem, our creativity feels stifled, and the results of all this is more of what we don't want. We need to get out of this patterned thinking, use our will to break out and intention to point ourselves in the direction of more positive thought.

Carolyn Casey says that in times like these, we don't need reality, we need vision.  That's the idea that can turn things around.  We need to speak about our dreams; what we want our country to be and what we want for our children, ourselves and the world in the years to come.  When we do that, we're tapping into the power of our thoughts.  We free ourselves from "reality" and begin creating a new world with our words.  We are so powerful; more powerful than we know.  When we're using the tools available to us in the most positive and life affirming ways, our emotions feel more open and free, our mind soars, our creative power wakes up, and the earth itself changes in response to the new thoughts available.
 
We don't have to know how to solve a problem.  All we need to do is know what we want in its place and the universe will respond to our desire.  Envision clean air, clean water, a healthy and thriving world in balance and at peace.  Don't let the oil of doubt sully the pure and wild ocean of our intentions.  We've come through bad times before, and we can do it again.  Remember that, have faith in yourselves, and dream the world as you want it to be.  Before you know it, you'll be living there.

Love, Kristine

Rolling towards Peace

When I was practicing Aikido we focused on moving from our center.  To me that meant my body was over my feet, my posture was correct, and I was able to meet an "attack" fluidly without loosing my balance.  The physical aspects of moving from center were reasonably clear to me, and it was completely obvious when I lost my center:  Either I fell down, or couldn't meet an attack properly, or wasn't able to manage a turn or a throw without effort.  To recover my footing after losing my balance I practiced rolling.  That way when I fell down I could more easily regain my footing, re-center, and be ready for the next attack. 

Off the mat, this question arises: what do I do when I'm thrown mentally?

It happens to all of us.  Someone says something mean or rude, or offers an opinion that we don't like.  Our reactions to a mental attack are as varied as we are, but the end result is the same: we lose our center.  Sometimes it takes us just a few seconds to regain our presence, or peace, of mind, and we're back on an even keel again.  Sometimes it takes a few days to get over the insult, but if the attach is severe there is a chance that we might "lose ourselves", lose our center, for a very long time. 

When that happens, we become people who are constantly and chronically angry, defensive, grief-stricken or depressed.  In short, a little "unbalanced".  We mentally "fell down" when someone "attacked" us and, if we don't have the emotional skill it takes to recover, we remain, metaphorically, on the ground.  We can become accustomed to this unbalanced state, and it can even become a comfort zone of sorts for us.  That means we've lost the awareness of our center; the place where love, peace, and joy reside, because we're so used to being in a state of emotional discomfort we don't even realize that we're off balance.
 
So how do we recognize when we are off-center?  The biggest clue is that we blame others for our problems.  Sure, someone "did" something to us (we were attacked) and we reacted badly (we lost our center).  This is a valid response at the time of the affront, but if we continue to blame our attacker for the current problems in our lives, then we've given our power over to something outside of our essential selves.  When we do that, we're WAY off center.

As I said, the answer to a physical push that knocks us off center can be a roll that helps us regain our footing again, but how do we "roll" mentally and emotionally after an interpersonal attack knocks us for a loop?  Here's what I came up with. 

1. We begin by clearly stating what hurt:  "When someone yells at me I feel angry".
2. We define what we'd prefer: "I prefer a softer means of communication".
3. We outline why we have this preference: "When someone talks to me in a normal tone of voice, I can more easily hear what they have to say.  I can accept criticism more easily when offered gently.  I enjoy being with people who treat others kindly.  I'm a kind person myself, and enjoy being with others who are kind.  I love being in the company of people who treat each other with respect. I like to treat others respectfully and kindly."

As you continue to focus on what you like, you find yourself gradually feeling better.  You've successfully turned negative thinking upside down.  Your continued use of positive thought helps you roll your way toward conclusions that are more in alignment with who you truly are and thus right into your center.  Now, peace of mind, joy, and love are all within reach.  Congratulations.

Love, Kristine

The Warden Within

The other day I woke up feeling crummy.  Nothing too serious.  Nothing serious at all.  A slight headache, a bit of a queasy stomach, just a general malaise.  Ordinarily, I would push myself through the day figuring I would get over it.  This day I decided not to.  I decided to listen to my body's signals and take the day off.

 

All well and good.

Then my ego checked in.  Every decision I made turned into an argument: "me" versus "me".  My ego was fine with my message and email checking, but gave me trouble when I decided to push myself away from the computer and go lie down.  It did everything it could to create tension.  This background noise went everywhere with me.  It sounded something like this:

"you'renotreallysick,you'rejustbeinglazy,youreallyneedtogettowork, cleanthehouse,dothelaundry,walkthedog,plandinner,getup,watchingTVisawasteof time,readingthisbookisawasteoftime,getbacktoyourcomputer,etc,etc."

After a while, I just listened to it talk, and did what I wanted to do.  It wasn't easy, but I did it.

I was amazed at what a tyrant I was.  It seems that I really don't want myself to lift my nose off my own, personal grindstone.  Then I realize that the "striving me" is really the "ego me", and the relaxed and happy me wonders who I'm doing all the efforting for.  Who taught me to value drudgery so much?  Why do I make these voices so important? 

Sure, I know that times are tough, and I think that if I don't work hard I won't be able to, well, live like I want to live.  we are all told, in fact it's our cultural myth, that hard work is the key to our success, yet I know some pretty hard workers who are poor, and some pretty relaxed people who make tons of money. Even if you don't define "success" as having a ton's of money, let's say "spiritual growth" means success for you.  Yet even this desire can be just another way of judging ourselves and letting ourselves down.  No matter how much we want to be Buddah, we still lose our tempers and then beat ourselves up for not measuring up to the arbitrary standards we ourselves set.

Most importantly, living with all this tension is certainly not living the way I want to live. My desire to live up to an impossible ideal means that I'm making a more organic and peaceful life the dream of a distant future.

Do I have to be miserable and driven until then? What about NOW?

No matter where I am, vis-a-vie money, spiritual growth, happiness, health, I'm not going to be able to truly make the goals I set for myself (I.E. freedom and happiness) if I don't relax and accept where I am right now.  After all, the reason I want more money or spiritual peace is that I think it will make me happy.  Why don't I just short circut the whole striving thing and simply BE HAPPY.  

So I've made a decision.  I've decided that I'm no longer going to be the warden of my own self-imposed prison.  My ego is not going to rule my days, defining how hard I work and how valuable I am.  I'm going to set myself free from all the negative self-talk and just BE, when I can, and BE HAPPY when I can without waiting for arbitray goals to be fulfilled.  I can do it!  I know I can! Whoops, that's starting to sound like another, well, goal.  Hmmmm. 

I admit, despite my decision, the magic doesn't work all at once or all the time; but at least I know what I want (freedom) and when I want it (NOW).  I also notice that when I think about how I want to feel,the voices in my head aren't so dominent.  They sound more like this:

"you'renotreallysick,you'rejustbeinglazy,youreallyneedtogettowork, cleanthehouse,dothelaundry,walkthedog,plandinner,getup,watchingTVisawasteof time,readingthisbookisawasteoftime,getbacktoyourcomputer,etc,etc."

Phew.  Creating that is actually pretty easy.  All I have to do, really, is just think about how I want to feel.  Ahhh, that's more like it. That feels pretty good. Good enough.

Love, Kristine

An Apple for your Thoughts

Walking at Selby Regional Park today in the hills above Oakland I noticed signs warning against rattlesnakes.  I've never been a reptile lover, and poisonous reptiles are not ones I'd like to meet on the trail.  However, my discomfort around snakes has encouraged me to find out more about them so I could form a healthier relationship with them.  I want to stop being afraid of the world around me. 

A while ago I got together with four other similarly fearful women to spend some quality time with a boa constrictor.  The snake's handler pulled it out of it's container and arranged it across our laps.  It was pretty intense.  We let it explore us, and we explored it.  Energetically, it felt very different from the usual lap pet, kind of alien and unfamiliar.  As she moved across us her power, potential, and chi was self-evident.  We were in awe of it, and found ourselves, at the very least, on the path to healing our snake phobia after that encounter.

I thought about why snakes bring up such fears in so many of us. I know that in older cultures, snakes were revered and honored.  Perhaps it began with the Old Testament tale of Adam and Eve, where the devil in the form of the snake tempts Eve to taste the fruit of the tree on knowledge.  (She, in turn, gives a piece to Adam, and thus was sexism born, but that's another story.) 

Eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge allowed Adam and Eve to know the difference between good and evil.  I wondered what was so wrong about that.  Then it came to me that the act of eating the fruit was the thing that separated them from God (he drove them from the garden).  At first, I thought it was because they had disobeyed God's law.  Now I think differently.

I think that what separates us from god, from heaven on earth, from our enlightened knowing, is our judgements.  After all, what is judgement but thinking you know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong.  When you look at life with judging eyes when things measure up, you're happy.  When they don't, you're not.  When people measure up, they're "good" people.  When they don't, they aren't. 

I don't think God, Spirit, all-that-is, sees the world so narrowly. I think that the world and all things in it, through the eyes of  beings like Christ, Buddha, and the Dali Lama, is perfect.  It's our judegments that create distinctions in value, and distinctions in value create dissatisfaction, unhappiness, greed, anger, and pain.  Our judgements create hell on earth.

To create heaven on earth, we must learn to take the high road.  When we do we are more able to have a broader perspective, which increases our ability to view all things we see with love, compassion and understanding.

Even and including snakes.

Love,
Kristine