Free Styling

Driving back from San Rafael and entering the freeway, I noticed the sign painted on the road: FREE WAY ONLY. My mind played a little trick, and I read it this way: ONLY WAY FREE.  It was momentarily amusing, and I thought nothing of it until another road sign caught my eye. It was "FREE WAY AHEAD". This time, I read it as it sat and began to ponder the concept of freedom. It wasn't until I found this little tag (tiny, so tiny, yet it drew my attention) that I gave the topic top billing for the blog.

Often we think of freedom in a physical sense, meaning freedom of motion, but lately I've been noticing where I mentally and emotionally give up my freedom in my daily life. I was carefully trained to be this way. After all, my mom's mantra was "what will the neighbor's think". The implication was that her love depended upon my winning the approval of friends, family, neighbors, and people I didn't even know. I thought everything I did was being evaluated and judged by others.  Not much freedom there.

The big problem is how can you know what someone else would approve of? You can't, of course, and since you can't, you're stuck. You can wait for cues, not speak unless someone else has voiced an opinion you can parrot, wear what everyone else is wearing, do what everyone else is doing, basically conform, conform, conform. Meanwhile the person you really are is smothered and shut down. You give yourself away until there's nothing left to hold onto of the person you came here to be.

I believe that our very presence on this earth means that the world needs us exactly as we are. Therefore, it's important that we find ourselves again and live our truth. It takes courage and self confidence, but it's essential for the health of the world as a whole for us to claim the freedom to be exactly who we are in every situation.

Like the old song says, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine". So many of us hide our light under a bushels of shame, doubt and fear. Marianne Williams says that we are more afraid of our light than our darkness. That means letting our light shine makes us not only a beacon for others, but a hero in our own life.

We came here to live our lives purely and truly. Our uniqueness provides the world with the contrast that sparks creativity, the creativity that inspires us to work for a world where everyone can live purely and truly and in emotional, mental and physical freedom.

The ONLY WAY FREE is down the path the world has stretched out before us. If you have trouble finding your path, remember that it is the only one that feels essential to your happiness. Once you've found it, stay on it no matter what. Be a hero.  You won't be sorry.

Love, Kristine

On Being Clear-Hearted

Today, I found this heart at Point Isabel. As soon as I picked it up, I knew what I was going to write about on my blog: A clear-hearted acknowledgement of the value of our feelings.

Usually we hear about being clear-headed. It often means not allowing ourselves to be swayed by our emotions, as if our emotions muddy up the sparkling clear water of our intellect. My experience is that my head tends to muddy up issues more than my emotions. I don't know about you, but I can argue almost any side of an issue. I almost always rethink any position I take by addressing the other side of the issue and coming up with reasons why I should reverse my decision. Sometimes I can ponder an issue for weeks without coming to a clear-headed decision pro or con.

My heart, my gut, really, always seems to know the right choice for me. First I get an immediate feeling about the rightness or wrongness of any decision, then the war between my heart and my head begins. I want to defend the impulses my heart arrives at, but sometimes I can't. Often I have no idea why this or that choice feels right or wrong. Yet I think I need to know, prove myself right, somehow, with intellectual arguments supporting my choice that are rarely satisfying. I seem to think that  I'm in arbitration, that some judge is going to find me guilty or not guilty for making the choices I make.  Who's life is this, anyway?

Lately, I'm learning to be more clear-hearted, to just choose, and leave off with the justifications. The heart I found in the dirt of Point Isabel is a sign that makes even my head think I'm on the right track.  (Thank you Universe!  I can use the support.)

I once asked my Tai Chi Teacher, Starfire, how you tell whether you're following your head or your heart.
"Well", He said, "The mind changes, but the heart wants what it wants."

I think it's clear. Follow your heart. It saves time.
 
Love, Kristine

Butterflies are Free

Today on my walk I saw the wind move an object stuck to a post. I approached it to get a better look
and discovered a battered butterfly net.  I know that in many traditions, the butterfly symbolizes transition, turning as they do from caterpillar to butterfly, so I wondered why I was being shown the net.

Nets have been a big part of my last few weeks since the World Cup is at center stage in our household.  I love experiencing that rush of emotion when a team, after long displays of strategy and inspiration, finally gets that ball into the net.  And winning a game!  What a high for the triumphant and what a low for the losers, for both players and fans.

And then . . .and then life goes on. That trip to the mountain top that involved such an arduous climb is done.  The view is spectacular, but you can't stay there.  Back down the mountain you must go.  I apologize for mixing my metaphors here, but it's like catching a butterfly in the net.  After a lot of chasing we've finally got this thing of beauty and we want to preserve it.  Oddly enough, we do this by killing it, sticking a pin in it and putting it in a case. 

In the same way, we try to hold on to our peak experiences.  We save our trophies, letter sweaters, photos corsages and love notes.  They represent a time when we felt great.  We try to keep that time alive through our conversation and our collections, but we end up sucking the life out of them.  We can't keep reliving the wonders of our past with any authenticity.  Life does go on and so must we! 

Enjoy your butterfly moments.  Then let them go. The quicker you do this, the sooner you'll be ready for the next beautiful moment to flit by.