Think Differently, Live Freely

Our futures are comprised of our present thoughts.  There's nothing random about what happens to us.  We've been busily creating our futures as we go along by consciously and unconsciously imagining outcomes and scenarios to current situations.  How do we improve our future?  By clearing our minds.

How do we do that?  By deliberately and consistently rethinking what we think,  by not taking our thoughts seriously, by not assuming the worst, by imagining and envisioning a better self and a better world.  By asking ourselves how our best and wisest self would maneuver through any situation in our path.

We imagine that our thoughts are "real".  We imagine that there's nothing we can do about the thoughts we think, because they're "true".  We're poor, or we're in trouble, or we have a lousy relationship.  We ignore our ability to choose.  To re frame what we see and what we've done in interesting, positive and productive new ways.

Our brain, and therefore the world, is an elastic machine.  Everything we perceive with our 5 senses is filtered through it.  We can't interact with our world without our sweet little brains, and they've been conditioned by our cultural underpinnings, our parents, or peer groups, and our own ideas about how to survive to think certain thoughts certain ways.  We've been weaving our thoughts into patterns for most of our lives. 

To mix a metaphor, our thoughts are like water eroding a hillside.  The more they flow in a certain direction, the deeper the channel grows.  Rethinking the same thoughts over and over is the method we've used to carve those brain grooves deeper and deeper, and the deeper our grooves get the harder it is to unlock ourselves from our current perceptions.

But we can do it!

Meditation, and even drugs at first, can be so helpful.  They allow us to jump the tracks of our current perceptions, to escape from our usual way of perceiving the world and take us into unimaginable, often wonderfully freeing regions and realms. 

Do you think anything takes place outside of yourself?  No way.  Everything you see and do is a product of your thoughts. Change your thoughts, and you change your world.

At least, that's what I think.

The Tao of the Street

In case you want to know "the way", here it is.  Random acts of signness. To where is it pointing? Where ever you are going.  See this as an encouraging gesture.  I know I do.  Tally ho!

Getting back to where I wanted to go.

I lost track of my intention.  I wanted to find something beautiful every day and post it.  Then life with all it's busy-ness convinced me that I didn't have the time to blog.  I did, however, continue taking pictures of things that delight and surprise me in the Berkeley area. 

I realize that my idea of posting every day was a way of disciplining myself.  I'm really tired of disciplining myself.  I don't know about you, but I've been trying to reshape who I am since I became conscious. 

There's a part of me that is in revolution with this relentless pursuit of perfection, that yearns for acceptance, that is impatient with my lack of self-knowledge and hurt by my self-judgement.

I've been trying to be an ideal me but I have no idea, really, who that is or why the me that I am isn't enough for the me I'm trying to please.  After all, nothing is perfect, which means, in a way, that everything is perfect.  Everything and everyone is exactly the way they need and should be, including myself.  Enough with myPygmalion attempt to bring perfection alive.  Life is change, perfection is unchangeable. 

I declair that it's time to live with and for myself, just as I am.

Which means, in short, that I probably will not post every day, but I'll post as often as I want. 
Here's today's offering of Everyday Beauty:

Found on a fence: "The Sacred Alignments" painted by Ernesto Hernandez-Olmos

Cool, right?

If you have to use Aikido, you're not doing Aikido

One of those "if a tree falls in the forest" things, you ask?  I thought so when I first read this phrase in Morihei Ueshiba's collection of quotes called The Art of Peace.   
I didn't take Aikido because I wanted to feel physically safe.  It seemed to me that in order to use Aikido as a method of self defense, one would have to be really gifted in the art.  Even after earning a black belt, I still didn't feel confident that I was capable of winning a fight with a more powerful opponent.  No, I was practicing Aikido because when I was on the mat I felt an exhilerating sense of being part of something much bigger than myself, an aliveness and energetic flow that felt terrific.
I overheard a father and son talking about the Karate lessons they were taking.  The boy was surprised that he had never been in a situation where he needed to defend himself.  The father said that that was the essense of learning a martial art.  You realigned your energy with the practice.  As your energy changes, you stop attracting potentially violent situations. 
In short, if you have to use Aikido, you're not doing Aikido.
Since coming out on top in a successful physical altercation was not my goal, when did I feel like I "had to use Aikido"?   Usually when I felt that I needed to defend myself in my interactions with friends, colleagues, or clients in order to protect what my ego told me was the "real me". Nice, verbal Aikido, of course. 
As I continue practicing The Art of Peace,  I've discovered that the "real me" needs no defense since it is not seperate from whatever surrounds me. That realization has made it much easer to better harmonize with whatever life gives me.  After all, the real me is one with it all.
I remind myself that in order to feel that delicious sense oneness with life, all I have to do is stop using Aikido, and to start doing Aikido.

The Joy of Making Stuff

The internet brings to our attention so many amazing artists, writers, entertainers, and musicians. Some of the work is very professional, and some, not so much. It’s of the amateurs that I now speak; those who have the courage to go ahead and post a piece of art or video or music for everyone to see (and comment on). Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you won’t. It doesn’t matter to them, because these folks just enjoy making stuff, and they do it because they love it.

I used to worry that having so much access to seeing or hearing truly “good” work, through radio, television, and other venues, might stifle creativity in the non-professional. How can one sing if they’re not Pavarotti, or do art if they’re not Picasso? That’s not what’s happening, though. Folks are creating with joy and sharing their creation with all of us. It’s beautiful, it’s inspiring and it’s fun.

We can’t all be professional artists, but we can all create from our hearts and find the freedom inherent in expressing our true selves through our (playful) work. Creativity lives in us all. We need to let it out to play every now and then. A little fresh air and exercise is a tonic for the body. Fresh ideas and self expression are tonics for the soul.

What are you focusing on?

Walking my dog at a local park one morning I noticed a man going back and forth to his car.  He loaded up on picnic baskets and blankets.  The next trip he had his arms full of kid toys.  On the third trip were tiny bikes, one with training wheels and one a balance bike.  As I passed him, I asked him if he were preparing for a birthday party.


"Yes," he answered "Mine."

I remarked that it certainly didn't look like the party was for him.

Then he smiled broadly and said to me "I'm looking at life through a different lens."

Children certainly changed the life of this generous man, and he accepted it fully and joyfully.  The best gift for him, now, was the happiness of his children. 

Looking at life through a different lens is what we all need to do in the face of change.

What can we focus on to help us view our life in a way that will enrich our experience rather than diminish it?  Even when we think there is not much around us to appreciate or enjoy, we could be wrong.  It's corny, but it might be worth it to put on those rose-colored glasses.  We might as well like who we are, what we're doing, and what's going on.  Really, what else do we have?

Break Out the Dreams

I was stunned when I heard this poem by Gwendolyn Brooks:

"We are things of dry hours and the involuntary plan,
Grayed in, and gray. "Dream" mate, a giddy sound, not strong
Like "rent", "feeding a wife", "satisfying a man".

But could a dream sent up through onion fumes
Its white and violet, fight with fried potatoes
And yesterday's garbage ripening in the hall,
Flutter, or sing an aria down these rooms,

Even if we were willing to let it in,
Had time to warm it, keep it very clean,
Anticipate a message, let it begin?

We wonder. But not well! not for a minute!
Since Number Five is out of the bathroom now,
We think of lukewarm water, hope to get in it."


Despite the pressures of daily life and economic havoc, can we still dream our brave dreams of a better world?  In times like these, we need our vision more than ever.  Prioritize your dream time!  It's most important for us to break free of "reality" and dream the new world into being.

Personal Responsibility

How do we know how to make the right choices in our lives?

No matter what, we opt, always, for that which we think will be the most fulfilling choice for us, no matter how it looks to others.  We come up with justifications as to why we choose one thing over another, but, bottom line, feeling good is our motivator.

Even choosing chocolate chip cookies when you know they're not on your diet feels great at the time.  It's a kind of declaration of independence from the rules and expectations we impose on ourselves.  When when we make choices that feel good in the short run and bad in the long it's a clear sign that we're not feeling free.  So how can we set ourselves free so we won't rebel against ourselves when the (chocolate) chips are down?

We can decide to look at our goals clearly.

When we are faced with a choice, and we know it's a stepping stone on our way toward our goal, we know exactly where to step next to get closer to what we say we want. Following the diet analogy, let's say our goal is to lose weight.  Eating that chocolate won't help.  Why then, do we succumb to our overpowering urge to eat it?

Perhaps because that goal is a false one.  Do we want to lose weight for ourselves, or so we'll look a specific way in the eyes of others?  If we're doing it for societal approval, we're following a false goal.  Our teenage self recognizes the bullshit and goes for the chocolate (I'll show YOU!)

When we choose our goals based on the expectations or constraints of our culture, we will feel the opposite of free.We will only feel free when we choose what we want simply because we want it, no excuses, no justifications, and no reason other than our own needs.

How wonderful it feels to choose our own path, to go for a goal without regard to its "rightness or wrongness". It's a wind-in-your-hair sort of feeling that will make your heart sing.  Choosing an inner directed goal will always set you free.

Your inner teenager will be happy, and so will you!

Our Imperfect Perfection

Perhaps our flaws are gifts in disguise, and complete acceptance of who and what we are is a key element in ridding ourselves of the tyranny of our history.  It could be that what makes our history such a sticky part of the present is the painful remembrance of times when, in being ourselves, we were rejected and/or rebuked.  We go forward into our future trying to avoid similar pain by acts of self rejection, self improvement, self hatred, and self denial.  Perhaps if we practice total self acceptance it will help us integrate the parts of us we abandoned in the past when someone undermined our value and worthiness by telling us we were not as we should be.

We are and have always been exactly as we should be. 

Some Borrowed Wisdom about Choosing Wisely

Today I was once again struck by how often "Ask and it is given." actually works in the "real" world.  After a dispiriting day I realized I needed a little guidance. I found myself idly looking through an old notebook.  Inside were some ideas I had jotted down from a seminar with a wonderful teacher named Cheryl Malakoff.  I will paraphrase:

Our ego is the portal through which we manage our energy.  We interpret our present through the lens of our history.  Personal perception defines our world.  What is going on inside of us is reflected in the world around us. We can see where we are energy deficient by what freaks us out, or by what makes us suffer.  Suffering is like an energetic bio feedback machine. Therefore:

Do only the things that strengthen you, and eliminate that which weakens you. 

You can discern what to do in every case by using these principals.

Happiness Is Easy

When You Eliminate "Trying". 

After all, why do we strive for anything? Because we think it will make us happy.  What might happen if we eliminated the striving?  What if we could just be happy without having to attach our happiness to a person, place, activity, accomplishment, job, income, etc.?  What a relief that would be.  

Eliminate the middle man of trying.  He's a trying guy anyway.  When we fall short, he beats us up, and when we accomplish our goals, he says it's not enough.  He's just never happy, so we aren't either.  Let's stop trying to please some arbitrary judge that relies on bench marks. .

As Yoda said to Luke Skywalker, "there is no "try" young Skywalker; there is only DO."

Let's do this thing.  .  Let's leave "trying" behind.  Let's just be happy

Anger

 Anger has a lot of power.  

We hate to have it directed against us.  It has the power to frighten, and we often feel diminished by its sting.  Feeling the wrath of another can be a blow to self esteem.  It can take time to piece together an ego shattered by anger.

Our own anger is equally powerful.  We feel it build within us until it bursts like a bomb on the target of our ire. Sometimes our anger stirs us to the point where everything we come in contact with feels our frenzied energy.  If we cling to our anger for too long it starts to draw towards us similar energy, like annoyed drivers, angry, whining people, or unpleasant experiences.  We lock our keys in the car or spill our coffee.  We get angrier.  It can be satisfying to let our anger out, but that has consequences. 

In Aikido we're taught that an attacker attacks because they are out of balance.  We, too, are out of balance when our anger causes us to attack another, kick a chair that got in the way, or get down on ourselves. We're not perfect, we're human, we get angry;  but being out of balance is one of the quickest ways to fall down. Remembering that can often be helpful in restoring ourselves to a more comfortable frame of mind. 

Be angry, let it out, and let it go.  

Breath.

 

BOP

In some business site I read about BOP: Basic Operating Procedure or something like that.  The idea is that you figure out what you want your business to be about.  This isn't a mission statement or a vision statement.  The way I interpreted it is it's a statement that identifies what YOU want to get out of your business.  For example, Apple's BOP is "we make really cool interesting stuff that make us a lot of money."  Now that's a BOP that would wake me up in the morning and send me happily to work.  I wondered what my BOP is, not just in my business, but in my life.  It's worth pondering. 

Cross Purposes

When someone is cross with us, it can make us rethink who we are.  We start from feeling cross ourselves,  justifying ourselves for the annoyance we caused.  We defend our actions and we defame the person who objected to them. 

Then we turn our thoughts to wanting to fix whatever we did.  We begin to regret our actions and start feeling bad about ourselves. How can we make up for our shortcomings?

Now, instead of being cross, we discover that our upset is our cross to bear.  We can learn alot from the discomfort of being cross.

When you consider what a real cross looks like, you can see what I mean.  Two pieces of board nailed together, the four ends going in four different directions, just like our thoughts.  One board symbolizes our negativity, one symbolizes our positive impulses. Where the boards intersect is a place of no extreems and no judgements: our center 

There's a center in every situation. It is where commonality and balance live. It remains the center, no matter how far our angry thoughts diverge from that still sure point. You're made up of your pluses and minuses, and the intersection of the two is the truth of you.  You can always find your way back to YOU, no matter how cross you are.

Breaking up is hard to do.

“He gave me a bowl and I saw,

The Soul has this shape.

Shams and actual sunlight help me now,

Being in the middle

of being partly myself

And partly outside.”--Rumi

When you begin to change, it often starts with a crack in the facade of your old self.  Part of you is letting something useless go so the new, more authentic you can shine through. 

Change can feel frightening and painful. “Who am I if I am not the self I thought I was?”  You are an ever evolving, always changing being.  That is the main truth.   

Resisting change is more painful than changing can ever be.  When you accept that change is inevitable then you can flow with life.  As Leonard Cohn says

“Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in. “ 

When you’re changing, breaking the old patterns and habits and even cracking up around the life's difficult challenges, there is a radiance about you that shines through.   Not only are you polishing, refreshing and renewing your relationship with what is,  you are discovering a more authentic, present, and resilient  you.   What could be more beautiful.

More About Freedom

 "It is important to remember that it is tiring, and trying, being free: and in times of exhaustion affection for freedom has always waned, whatever lip-service might be paid to it.

"The conclusion I draw from the history of slavery is that freedom is not just a matter of rights, to be enshrined in law.  The right to express yourself still leaves you with the need to decide what to say, to find someone to listen, and to make your words sound beautiful; these are skills which need to be acquired.  All that the law says to you is that you can play your guitar, if you can get hold of one.  So declarations of human rights provide only a few of the ingredients out of which freedom is made."

--from An intimate History of Humanity by Theodore Zeldin 

Deerly Beloved

There's a deer that's decided she lives in our neighborhood.  She eats the roses, pulls up new plantings, and terrifies the dog.  Not even people scare her away.  She's so certain of her place that she seems indignant when a neighbor, waving a beach towel, finally freaks her out.  She reacts by leaping over a few fences.  She'll go to another yard for now, but she'll be back. This is her place, and she has comfortably set down roots here.

Our yards are merely rooms in her house.  She'll stay as long as the food is good and the atmosphere mellow.  She has no mortgage, she doesn't own a thing, the rent she pays is sassy deer attitude and her grocery bills are non-existent. .  She has nothing except her "deer-ness" to give, yet my world is a better place because of her entertaining self.  She's a feast for the eyes, a T.V. show for the dog, a gardening challenge, and an exciting and surprising call-of-the-wild addition to an otherwise ordinary urban day.  Up close, deer are really big!  It's like having a small horse back there.  It's exciting.

May we all take so little and add so much to the world.

  

Embrace Your Inner Lemon (part 2)

Lemon tree, very pretty 

And the lemon flower is sweet,

But the fruit of the poor lemon,

Is impossible to eat. 

from "Lemon Tree" by Peter, Paul and Mary 

So goes the song, but I disagree.   

Want a great summer drink? Lots of lemons, sugar and water gives you lemonade.  Blend the fruit with some sugar, eggs and custard and put it in a crust and you’ve got a fabulous pie.  Blend some lemon juice with a bit of flour, powdered sugar, and a few other things and you have a delicious lemon bar.  And notice this about these recipes: They all have sugar in common.  Just add a bit of sugar to the poor little lemon and it becomes a treat.

Let’s extend the metaphor we discussed in “Embrace Your Inner Lemon (part 1)”: let’s say that the lemon is your worst fault, and sugar is love.  Corny? Yeah, I know, but think about it:  You start adding love to your, or anyone else's, faults and you’ve got understanding, empathy, compassion, and peace of mind.   

Nothing could be sweeter than that.