Baby Steps Toward Abundance

When I woke up this morning I went through my usual ritual: Coffee, newspaper, crossword, journal, pull amulet, and pull an angel card for the daily message from the universe.  For the first time, both the amulet and angel card I pulled were about:

I was struck by the coincidence, but the duties of the day took my mind off of it.  The duties of the day placed my mind on something entirely different:  my business. It just wasn't as fulfilling as it used to be.
I wondered what I could do to create more ease, abundance, fulfillment, and prosperity in my life. 
Since the kids were adults, and my own work was feeling the impact of the economy, I needed a way to open myself up to a life that would be as satisfying as raising my kids had been or as exciting as beginning my graphic art business.  Been there, done that, now I wanted something new to focus on.
I pondered what that might be as my dog and I trudged up the hill to our favorite walking trail.  I happened to glance in the middle of the street and spotted this little lump of cloth.  Curious, I went towards it and here is what it was:

A very dirty baby's sock.  With hearts on it.  What in the world could this mean? 

In a flash, I got it.  I've been collecting found objects with the intention of creating art pieces with them.  I've found some pretty amazing and inspiring things, and I still haven't moved forward in this work.  This little sock was telling me to begin doing the thing I love to do; Make stuff.  Start small, but start.  Prioritize doing what I love and follow my heart. The very dirt on the sock itself indicated to me that by doing this, I would ground myself more fully in my creative nature. 

I started to think about all the things I was going to make.  I got idea after idea as I continued on my walk, but, as usual, doubt set in.  I worried that I was too old to start making the objects I was dreaming about, that I didn't have time, that they'd take time away from what was more important: making money not things, and that my time to be an artist was past.  Then I saw THIS:

A tiny buckle from a wristwatch.

It told me to detach from any notion of time, that the way to connect to myself was by being in the moment, by doing what I enjoyed moment to moment, and prioritizing doing what I love to do, just as I prioritized the activities of my children when they were small. 

It's my turn to reconnect to myself and my dreams.  That's all I need or want to do right now.  More importantly, it's time to get back to the pureness of my creative spirit: what I felt as a child when I made something, painted something, sewed something; not thinking about anything except the joy of creating, having no idea or ideal of  "being an Artist", but simply doing what I did because I wholly and fully enjoyed it.  That's truly heaven on earth!

Love, Kristine

Dog's Day

I've been getting some peculiar messages about dogs.  Not really about dogs, but messages with the word "dog" in them.  Of course, I immediately think it has something to do with my dog, Pixie, but then again my website, business, and email name is kyote DOG, so I know they apply to me. 

The first scrap I recieved at the dog park is this one:

I wondered what this meant. I assume it's my message from the universe for the day.  One of the problems I had understanding it was that I couldn't make out the word after "Gifts".  I finally decided it was "for", so the message reads "Gifts for the Dogs", but It could be "Gifts IN the Dogs"  Naaaah.

I have, lately, been thinking about how much happiness my little dog has brought into my life.  She is a gift herself and deserves many gifts in return.  She gets her little doggy treats quite often since food is her dearest desire, and she gets a nice warm and loving home as well, so gifted she is, but this explaination didn't resonate. It does say for the dogS, so that means it's not exclusive to one.  I decided to just wait a bit and see what else showed up.

First thing this morning on the dog walk I picked up this card:

Back to the dogs again: 

On this card is some student's note from a children's book calls "The Heavenly Zoo".  The story is part of the Mahabaharata, one of two Classical Sanskrit epics from ancient India. In this story, five brothers begin a journey to the heavens with all but the eldest, Yudistira, falling off along the way to follow their hearts to do something close to their nature (Arjuna, the all-powerful, joins a battle for his country: Sahadeva, the all-wise, joins holy men in study and prayer, etc.). By the time the entrance to heaven is reached, only Yudistira remains with his faithful dog. He is invited to enter, but only if he leaves his dog behind. He refuses to do so because his dog had given his heart to him.

How can having the gift of a dog's heart be a barrier to heaven?  What kind of heaven is this that won't allow dogs.  This will take some thought.

So:  five brothers enter heaven by following their hearts and their natures, and one refuses because he holds the heart of his dog.  Does this mean that having the responsiblity of someone's love makes following your own heart impossible?  It does make it harder, perhaps, to recognize the pure impulse of your own beating desire when other's wishes and needs must be considered.

Or is that merely an excuse. 

Trying another approach, since the dog is a symbol of loyalty, and perhaps in this context means unwavering loyalty, perhaps his dedication to his dog rather than his own heart kept him from fulfilling his true purpose. 

In my own life, I realize that it's very difficult for me to really see who I am under the cover of my social obligations, family life, work life, etc., all that I've given my heart to.  I know who I want to be, who others want me to be, but not really who I am.  I can see how I use love for animals or people as a way to keep the discovery of my true self, my true heart, from my consciousness; or romance as a way to keep from growing, by repeating disfunctional old patterns for the sake of temporal happiness.
 

Maybe the gifts I need to give myself is permission to actually BE myself, to interact cleanly and clearly with others as my fullest and most present self.  Perhaps I won't do that because I fear the loss of love when my loved ones meet my true face, but maybe that's what one needs to show in order to live more authentically and truly create heaven on earth. Love indeed, has a place and leads the way to heaven, but ultimately the love of the universe in it's broadest and truest sense is the love that's needed.  Narrowing our focus to a single object misses the point.

There is more to be gained here in these messages from the universe, and I will be pondering them for a while.  If you have any insights to bring to this, please comment.

Love,
Kristine

Translating Daily-ness Into Happiness

This morning I dropped my daughter off at the BART station. She was heading into the city for her first day of the Spring semester at Acadamy Art. I went on to my Tai Chi class in Berkeley, found the perfect parking spot, and turned to the back seat to locate my purse. What I found there was my daughter's art supplies.

Oh Oh.

Only one thing to do. I headed for the freeway to San Francisco. It was jam-packed at the toll bridge. Even with a fast pass it took me 30 minutes to get through it. While I was waiting, I connected with my daughter (I love cell phones) and arranged a spot to meet her and called my husband for advice on how to get to the meeting place.

Then I was off! Crossing the bridge, I felt the tension in my body. Why was I so anxious? True, driving to and in the city can be a nightmare, but it could also be fun. Kelsey might be a little late for her class, but at least she'd get there with what she needed to participate.

I was already, in my unconscous mind, rehearsing having a bad experience. I recognized that that was what I was doing by feeling the rapid beating of my heart and seeing my white knuckles gripping the black steering wheel.

I decided to let what might happen go and focus on what was happening.

I was on an adventure and a mission of mercy. I was slipping out of the ordinary groove of my Tuesday morning and taking an unexpected trip to the city instead. I was helping my daughter out of an uncomfortable spot and felt really grateful that I had the flexibility to do that. The day was pleasent, the other drivers seemed to know what they were doing, I took a few wrong turns, righted myself, and showed up on the corner of Howard and Montgomery almost by accident and quicker than I expected.

All was well. My girl was a bit late for class, but at least she had her materials. I headed back across the bridge feeling much better.

Mission accomplished.

On the way home I heard a quote from Chekov: "A crisis is easy to weather. It's the daily grind that wears you down."

I guess so. This minor crisis did wear on me, though, but it also made me realize how hard it is for me to relax when I go off the beaten path of my regular life.

There is some comfort in following your schedule instead of your heart, but there can be a stagnancy to life if one is too vested in doing so.

I guess what I want is for it to be all good: both the doing of my usual routine and the handling of something unexpected that takes me out of it. Both add up to my life. Why not enjoy them and trust that, even if it feels like you're off the path, there's no way you can be off YOUR path.

This is my life journey. I'm going to walk it with joy. It's all there is.