Baby Steps Toward Abundance

When I woke up this morning I went through my usual ritual: Coffee, newspaper, crossword, journal, pull amulet, and pull an angel card for the daily message from the universe.  For the first time, both the amulet and angel card I pulled were about:

I was struck by the coincidence, but the duties of the day took my mind off of it.  The duties of the day placed my mind on something entirely different:  my business. It just wasn't as fulfilling as it used to be.
I wondered what I could do to create more ease, abundance, fulfillment, and prosperity in my life. 
Since the kids were adults, and my own work was feeling the impact of the economy, I needed a way to open myself up to a life that would be as satisfying as raising my kids had been or as exciting as beginning my graphic art business.  Been there, done that, now I wanted something new to focus on.
I pondered what that might be as my dog and I trudged up the hill to our favorite walking trail.  I happened to glance in the middle of the street and spotted this little lump of cloth.  Curious, I went towards it and here is what it was:

A very dirty baby's sock.  With hearts on it.  What in the world could this mean? 

In a flash, I got it.  I've been collecting found objects with the intention of creating art pieces with them.  I've found some pretty amazing and inspiring things, and I still haven't moved forward in this work.  This little sock was telling me to begin doing the thing I love to do; Make stuff.  Start small, but start.  Prioritize doing what I love and follow my heart. The very dirt on the sock itself indicated to me that by doing this, I would ground myself more fully in my creative nature. 

I started to think about all the things I was going to make.  I got idea after idea as I continued on my walk, but, as usual, doubt set in.  I worried that I was too old to start making the objects I was dreaming about, that I didn't have time, that they'd take time away from what was more important: making money not things, and that my time to be an artist was past.  Then I saw THIS:

A tiny buckle from a wristwatch.

It told me to detach from any notion of time, that the way to connect to myself was by being in the moment, by doing what I enjoyed moment to moment, and prioritizing doing what I love to do, just as I prioritized the activities of my children when they were small. 

It's my turn to reconnect to myself and my dreams.  That's all I need or want to do right now.  More importantly, it's time to get back to the pureness of my creative spirit: what I felt as a child when I made something, painted something, sewed something; not thinking about anything except the joy of creating, having no idea or ideal of  "being an Artist", but simply doing what I did because I wholly and fully enjoyed it.  That's truly heaven on earth!

Love, Kristine

The Page of Pentacles-the original thanksgiving turkey

The page of Pentacles is an interesting card to have pulled so close to the Holidays.  The flash of meaning I got immediately is that it speaks of youthful dreams and nostolgic-based future creation.
Here's what I mean by that:
The Pages carry messages for others, they don't themselves know who they will be when they grow up.  They are only just coming to understand their own power to create the life they will live.  They are apprentices, really, and their creations are youthful ones, full of idealism and promise. 
They hold the past in their hands (the disc) as a tool to anticipate and create the future, i.e. they create an idea of life based on the dreams and examples of their parents, the boasts of their peer group, the demands and expectations of the educational system, the heros and mores of their culture, etc. 
Their life experiences are limited, fresh and uninformed, and their ideas on how to live are based on what others have told them.  They know what to fear, what to love, what to expect, what to hold dear, what is pleasurable, what is right and what is wrong because their elders and teachers have told them these things.  They have not yet experimented with these concepts and learned how THEY feel about these issues.
Our past can define our present and influence our future in an unconscious way that might not serve the person we have become; for we are not our past.  I think this is one of the most important messages from the universe, that we need to sort out who we are from what we think, what we've been, and what we've done. How do we do that?  I believe that if we feel bad, then what we are doing is not the right thing for us. If we feel good, then we are in alignment with who we are.  Our emotions tell us who we are and who we are not all the time. Using our emotions a our guide, we can discover our true nature.
A friend of mine spoke of a civics teacher who taught him how to think critically.  He had worked very hard on an essay that basically rubber-stamped his parent's beliefs.  After laboring over it, he reread it with his newly aquired critical eye and realized with a shock that he really didn't believe anything he had written.  His life as a Page was over, no longer was he interested in carrying his parent's messages into the world.  It was time for him to move away from his parent's ideas and form his own views in order to live a more authentic life.
Thanksgiving and the winter holidays can be stressful times.
Because of their repetative nature, they allow us to see and feel the split between who we are NOW and who we were then so much more clearly.  If the split is percieved as a painful wound seperating you from yourself and your loved ones, the holidays are a miserable affair.  If the split is understood as a record of your growth on your journey toward your authentic self, then you will be able to see and celebrate how far you've come.  When looked at in this way, the holidays can be a true time of enjoyment. 
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Love,
Kristine
I mys

The Shoulds V.S. the Want-tos

The other night at 1:00 in the morning, I couldn't get to sleep. I was immursed in fear and anxiety, the "shoulds" at war with the "want-tos".

The shoulds tell me what I need to do, what everyone does, the common wisdom we've all grown up with. I've heard it called "Mass Consciousness" and it's a strong pull to conform. It's the formula for success: go to school, get good grades, be popular; get into a good college, get good grades, be popular; get a great job, get lots of money, be popular.

The dark side of Mass Consciousness is repression of self, subjegation of creative desires, and motivation based on external approval.

The alternative? A place on the park bench with a bottle of cheap wine.

The "want-tos" tell me what I'm interested in, what I'd love to do, what would make life really juicy for me. I'm encouraged to think for myself and not worry about the opinions of others or what the economy looks like, both personally and politically. I'll get what I want if I do what I want. The dark side? What if it doesn't work and I end up on a park bench with a cheap bottle of wine.

The promise if it works? Heaven on earth

Then I went for a nice clarifying walk with my friend Rosemary. She said to me, "Focus on what you enjoy. Life's too short to live it any other way."

By goddess, she's right. Enjoy your life. Live with flexibility and passion. Learn to trust what happens and respond to what's right in front of you. This moment is all you have, it's where your power lies. Live in it with focus and integrity.

Heaven on earth begins and ends with that.